I honestly don't

I don't want to be the jackass, not really. It's a horrible thing to be. I'm a nice guy, but being the devil's advocate it so much more entertaining. Plus, if someone's already "reserved", what am I to do? Act like a complete jackass and provide a contrast between the "reserve-ee" and the others. Essentially, the wing man. The general outline of the wing man is that he doesn't have any ulterior motives, acts like a complete fool and yea! Get who they're "backing up" laid, or hooked up etc etc... If that's the definition of being a wing man, I've pretty much got a PHD in it - maybe just the make a fool of myself part.
I'm such a jackass, and that would be a euphonism.
What to do when all targets are engaged? Spin around in circles and hope the base calls you back to chill some more.

All I see are numbers

I don't know about you, but when I see something, I know that it can be a particular mathematical formula. I may not know what it is exactly, but I know that it can be related to maths in some way. Sorta like that crazy show about numbers called "Numb3rs" with a 3!!! Cause that's so hip hop and nasty!
But more to the point, it's interesting to play a game and watch it's engine to cool things and realise the math behind it and various behaviour patterns that different units have and what kind of improvements it requires and where it needs it.
I think I'm becoming more and more like a computer scientist.
The feeling is like reading a painting and separating each individual detail apart and put them into their own categories. It sorta becomes a 3-D image viewed side on.
Nuts am I? Maybe, can you see my point?

The topic of my discussion.... Books you say?

Well... it has come to my attention that I!! Yes.. I!!! Seldom flip open a fiction book. Now.... is this an issue? According to my primary teachers........ "Books are our friends" and according to Shorty from Scary Movie 2, "I've learned the value of books!!! Free paper!!" followed by a hideous laughter.

Well... Books have never been my daily entertainment. It's more of a chore I have to do. Especially for highschool. BOOK REPORTS!!! Man.. oh man! Made me feel like a kid to write up 200 words of how I felt after reading the book... "I felt okay... could go for some BK... ummm... i mean.... because... Fred was a... umm.... orphan... with... no money!! Yea.. so no food and it made me feel lucky that we have food presented to us in such a manner. This did not impact me too much at the beginning to think about Fred as a poor orphan. But later on in the book when he was living on the streets and dealing with hardship... he died due to starvation. That also made me sad."

YEA!! I don't even remember reading a book about a boring character name Fred! HONESTLY! In our little group, we very very very rarely discuss about books. Some of my other friends says that I should read this and that cause in some way they think I'd actually seek it out. Humm... I do agree that books might be healthy for the mind, but I'm perfectly fine!!!! *gulps a cocktail of pills*

Lack of posts?

Well.. recently, nothing big has been happening. Not enough to make a post about it. but SINCE PEOPLE ARE ASKING QUESTIONS. I'll post one just for the sake of their entertainment!

We all know that exams are a few weeks away (3 weeks + 3 weeks = 6 weeks) *yay* So... I'm sorta sitting around home... watching a few things here and there... and then doing a little bit of reading... here and there. And BAM!!! Nothing big happens.

Maybe it's just this sleepy shit hole town... but I'm not getting any action!!! by action, i mean any activities in general, not that I go out every friday night either :( Maybe THAT'S WHY!! But that's beside the point. Totally need to get my restricted. grrrr!!! That way i can drive to wherever and wherever!! And be with nobody lol. As far as Daddy knows :D

The lack of posts generally come from lack of interesting things to post about. Except that I managed to get Bioshock working today, i feel good now that i can start killing little sisters!!! MUAHAHAAAAA.... Mmmmm... ADAM!!! (it's a substance in the game, not an actual person)

Obviously I'm not gay!

Fashion Survey!
A slighty modified version by Panny!
:Basics:
Name: Yen-Sheng
Age: 19 this year. 2007
Location: Christchurch

:Favourites:
Store: None
Designers: None
Place to go shopping: None
Brand Names: Don't care
Colour to wear : Blue
Item of clothing you own: Polo shirts, shirts, polar fleece.
Type of jeans : Nice ones that i have room in
Type of tops: Long sleeve shirts with them rolled up :D
Type of shoes: Sport shoes.. maybe casual if i get one
Clothing on opposite sex: Office is sexy ;)
Type of accessories: None

:Misc:
What would you never be caught dead in? Men thong with the elephant trunk in front
How many clothes in your wardrobe? Who knows... prob around 13?
What was the last item of clothing you bought? Nice blue jacket
If you owned your own fashion label, what would it be called? Panny
Which celeb's style would you love to steal? I am a celeb! My own!
Do you follow trends? I make my own trend BIACH!
Whats "in" in your area at the moment? what's out?
What colour is a NO for you? Yellow

:VS:
Short skirts or long skirts? Long~~ More is less
Jeans or corduroys? Jeans
Hats or sunglasses? Sunglasses
Tight jeans or baggy jeans? Neither
Bright colours or dark colours? dark
Skinny belts or wide belts? wide + skinny / 2

:Right now:
Wearing: Black laced thong
In your bag: Folders... blacked laced thong... phone battery, umbrella
Saving up for: TABLET!!!!
Wishing for: this year to end WELL

:That you own:
Favourite shirt: That white one with the stripes
Favourite jeans: Recently bought one, i don't do brands!!!
Favourite shoes: My Yvonex (sp)
Favourite dress: I don't have one... I like them all!!
Favourite belt: I only have one
Favourite hat: I don't do hats
Favourite piece of underwear: The black laced thong HAW HAW!

Mr. I-think-pan-is-emo!

JAS 35C Gripen Pilot raised an interesting point (comment) he said "Whats with all the weird poems of late?"
Well mr... Gripen Pilot... whatever that is...
I do not know! Maybe I'm just more connected to english than I originally thought/intended to. Maybe... maybe... It's my way of saying something to someone... Maybe.. it's my way of expressing hundred word posts in 20 words. Maybe.... I JUST FEEL LIKE WRITING POEMS... Naw.. can't be the last case. Must be something going on - says you, who reads this. *nods* and says... "He's emo!"
Well I'll tell you mr. I-think-pan-is-emo! You might be right... or mr. I-think-pan-is-emo is just afriad to admit that he is an emo! (wait that doesn't work) But anyway! I'm not gonna go buy some razor blades from the shop and start cutting myself anytime soon. Cause it's just so expensive!!! heh.
"Just a little more in touch with myself than you~~"

The seals we all have

The seals we all have...

Every body has several seals in their minds... switches if you must. On... off... on... off..... forever off.
Some are just as simple as putting things aside to deal with later... off....
Some are as complexed as suppressed childhood memories... off....
But sometimes... when the off suddenly turns back on... it brings pain and realisation. Rarely it is pleasant. Why do we intentionally set ourselves up to hurt later?

"I'd like to tell you the truth... but I know deep down it won't be, because I know... that I am still yet unsure..."

Nice and easy now

Well.... don't you love those days where you can mellow out completely? Like... lay on the grass outside under the tree for several hours and sleep. Humm... reminds me of good old days in summer in year 11(end).
Everything seemed to just fly away. The troubles, the pressure, everything! Fly away. Wish I'd get more days like that. Instead I have to go to bloody Taiwan and enjoy the cold some more :(
Hope we can go do the nelson trip successfully and just lay down by the beach/river/grass and chill till we're at absolute zero. And we look up to see the birds in the sky and say, "Wow... wonder where they're going.. WHO CARES!!!"

We could all use a little bit of "off" time. I'd like to think I'm only working at 30% of Max Capacity this year. Hopefully that Max Capacity doesn't decrease. Next year will be great :D (!)

Just a very chilled out post. No aim in this post except to draw a picture of relaxation. Something for you to look forward to. Someday, somewhere over the rainbow~~

With a cipher

Everyone has their own cipher and sometimes you will come across someone with a similar ciphers as yourself. Those people are somewhat special in terms of who you are.
What is a cipher in this context? It's essentially a key to who they are. A key to read into them much deeper than the usual person. You can get passed a cipher, or you can make your own, although making your own requires self skill and maybe a little bit of help. Usually you're better off asking them.

Some people even use these ciphers as a test to see how worthy their opponent is. The truly worthy will see them for who they are, the others see them in a different light.

But what good is a cipher if nobody can read it?

For eyes only

*hums the tune "for british eyes only"*

Yea. There are something that you can never tell some one, and there are many a more you can. whether it be damaging or not. For me, the ratio of the two are outrageously disproportional. I'm as straight as an arrow when it comes to that department. But. Which sends me to a corner when I can't tell the truth. That's when I get scared.

I just can't do it. It's just.... too much for me to bear the consequences. Either that, or destruction of something peaceful. All I will be able to do, is put it to one side and let it fester in my for a while, I seem to be pretty good at isolating thoughts in my mind. I'll cope.

The truth can be harmful, it could be soothing. It's usually harmful however. That's why most people can't handle the truth.

Serendipity

Once in our lifetimes, we come across someone that is completely right for us. By chance, completely and utterly right for us. What separates us all is whether you grab it and hold onto it or not.

Serendipity

-Something good that happened accidentally.

After watching the movie, I almost cried. Such a romantic movie. Would've really got pissed off if they never did find each other though, I would have hated that movie completely. Good thing is... they found each other in the end, totally by coincidence.

If you sense that you have someone that is so special to you, totally, completely, utterly good for you. You should grab it and hold on tight.

Never let it go~~

The future me....

I know I know... as you begin to read this... you might think that this is another one of my random "what if" posts that i have in the other blog. But this one's a little bit more personal. Oh no~ don't you turn away from me!! It's not one of those "oh man... I'm gonna grow old and die" emotional posts slash hate slash bitching rant.

Walking home at night watching the stars shine and glitter in the night sky... I stopped for a while and ponder what they are going to be like in the next few years... are they gonna be remembered? are they going to still exist? Who knows...

I began to look into my own inner star (ha ha, i know cliche) What am I gonna be like in the next few years? or even ten years from now? Will... The Pan (what I am! Total self confidence there) no longer be The Pan? Or will The Pan change into a different type of The Pan? (totally overkill) With the current projections I could only get more wild, more opinionated, and funnier. Maybe a little smarter, havn't exactly been hitting the books now... oh wait. Hitting books hurts my head... they give me bruises *smack on the book with head*

The other question also arises, do I want to change in the next ten years? The answer to my question I searched for about 0.5 seconds. The answer is NO! and then followed 2 seconds later with a maybe... then another NO! then maybe.... and then.... maybe again. Cause i'm not exactly Mr. Awesum dood guy yet. So.... I'll work towards that.

You should all take time and think about your life so far... See how you can see yourself in the future.

Being the cool guy!

Know what? never was really the cool dude in school. In fact, I despised people who were cool. One day... I learnt that the cool guy can sometimes be pretty cool. Usually they're not. But sometimes there are a few cool guys out there that i do think that are cool.

Never will be cool, never will try to be cool. In my perspective, you either are! or you aren't! Rather be the "go-to" guy. Be....
PAN THE MAN! lol, personal goal there. Become THE MAN!

Thriller!!! and Sharpen your blades

It's a thriller!!! The roller coaster we go through in life. But today! I've ridden a coaster so awesome, I smile even when I'm depressed. It's soooooo awesome that I feel like i'm on prozac (not that i'd know).

It's like the first time you plant your lips on someone else's. The feeling of two lips conjoined I believe to be better than sex! Well... First kiss vs first sexual encounter... I'd say the kiss was a lot more impressive.

I think i'm gonna be so high for the next month! OH RIGHT.

On other news.
Never go into a knife fight without sharpening your blade first. It's an analogy that I've made up for your to ponder on. A dull blade can't last very long in a fierce knife slashing contest. Slashing will also be a problem as a dull blade does not cut. Analogy requires you to read between the lines and what is true and what is not. A war we must all partake in sometime in life.

Role playing

I know what you're thinking

"Ohh~~ put it in my ass master~~ you know I like it there~~" NO! not that type of role playing. I'm talking about.... role playing in terms of fantasy world role playing.

As I stepped out of the shower, I recalled someone asking me "Do you RP (role play)?" I responded with a no, because I don't. But what if I were to role play? What if you were to role play? What kind of character would you'n'I be? Personally I'd like to be an *puts on nerdy glasses and reads off his character sheet* Wizard with knowledge in elemental arts. Gee... sounds like some sorta DnD fan boy.

I'd like to be a Wizard who has training in elemental arts. That'll be fun. But that's not enough is it? noooooo!!! *says the gang of nerds sitting around me* "You need character background and storyline". Of course I'd come up with that too... I know how to RP foo!!! I'm teh masterz when it comes to character development! *hehe* I would be.... the young smart but impatient apprentice of a wizard who died during a mission. I'd be an orphan as well. My master and I met while I was young and was playing with basic elemental magic around the riverside. Something like that. Better than a fuckin level 13 PALADIN!!! I hate paladins.